Sorry, the skeevy guy will have to wait, because my physiology needs an ass-kicking.
I know I've scrawled a bit here before about a heart condition I have. It is fairly benign as far as heart conditions go, more of an annoyance than a threat most of the time. It is called paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia, or PSVT for short. As you can see from the link, it's basically a rapid heartbeat for no apparent reason that comes on randomly, although it can be associated with stress or fatigue. Along with it I tend to have a fast normal sinus rhythm, around 115 or so, so I take medication to keep it down to a dull roar, around 85 bpm or so. I also avoid caffeine (don't have any except chocolate), cold medicines, and anything else that is a nervous system stimulant. Most of the time, when I have what I call an episode, it lasts for at most a few minutes, maybe a few seconds. It is fairly exhausting when they happen, but really not a big deal anymore (they were a big deal when they first happened as they scared the piss out of me and I was misdiagnosed as having panic attacks for a long time - it took years to get a proper diagnosis).
Which brings us to last night. BigDaddyFish didn't get home from work 2 nights ago til midnight, and I went to bed last night around 11 ish or so, about normal for me. I was TIRED. I woke up around 1 am, in a full PSVT episode - heart racing and pounding, dizzy and lightheaded. I quickly tried to bear down and push like a bowel movement (or pushing a baby out, for that matter) to get it to stop, but it didn't work. I asked BDF to bring me a glass of ice water; most of the time chugging a glass of ice water is enough to make it stop. (What that actually does is make your heart skip a beat, which then lets the heart reset itself and resume a normal rhythm. It is the same effect that the medicines they give you in the hospital do - but in the hospital, it stops your heart for about a second. Which. Feels. Like. A. Lifetime. if you ever need it done - you're conscious when it happens.) That didn't work. I started to get a litle panicky, because although for me I could sit there all night like that (unpleasant, but doable), I had no idea what effect it would have on the baby. And the baby wasn't moving. Part of the dizziness is caused by the heart beating too fast to allow the chambers to fill up properly, so a slight amount of decreased oxygen is normal, and I didn't know if the baby was getting enough. Me getting panicky caused BDF to get mad at me (like that helps), and I will spare the details but it caused a huge fight, all the while my heart is trying to leave my chest. Fun!
BDF also got mad because he "couldn't figure out how I was snoring and making those damn noises at the same time." Apparently I was trying to bear down to convert the episode while I was still asleep. Good to know that my body was trying to take care of me even as it was malfunctioning. BDF thought I was faking being asleep, though. He kept asking questions, and I kept telling him "I DON'T KNOW - I WAS ASLEEP!!" I guess I finally convinced him after I repeated myself 80 thousand times.
Finally, around 2 am as I was preparing to go to the ER, I gave the old ice water one more chance, and because I threatened my goofy heart with the ER, it worked. I then drank some juice, and within 10 minutes Guppy was moving around like his normal active self. So I went back to bed, since I already knew I had an appointment with the OB this morning.
I had my old-fart test today, and the baby and I are just fine. The OB said if I have another PSVT episode that lasts for around 3 hours, call the cardiologist. He'll just say talk to the OB. If it happens again, I'll make them call each other and fight it out, while I figure out how to make the baby come out.
My section is going to be scheduled the week of November 13, due to Little Man's issues at birth. While the particular OB I saw today wasn't thrilled (and actually thinks I'm crazy) because he is worried about me going into labor and he doesn't want me to, he agreed to do the section on my terms. Which is good, cause I'm pushy that way.
So now we just wait.
And as a total non-sequitur, McDonald's just gave me a spoon --- to eat my salad. With grilled chicken. BigDaddyFish says I should cut slits in it to make a spork.