Yes, We Need to Go On A Date

One of the toughest things I've had to deal with since my kids have come along is keeping my relationship with BigDaddyFish on an even keel.  We are two intensely opinionated, passionate, assertive personalities, both oldest children, both with above average intelligence.  We both like to do things our own way.  Nothing has caused us to butt heads more than our opinions on child rearing, and housekeeping now that the kids are here to mess things up for us.

Some time for just us is in order.  Unfortunately, two things that parents of four kids under the age of 8 are short on are time and money.  More so the time.  We rarely get a chance to talk much about anything until the kids are in bed, and by then I'm so exhausted most of the time, and lacking in me time, that I basically read for a few minutes and pass out.  BigDaddyFish veges in front of the computer games he's addicted to.  This is no way to run a relationship, and our marriage is suffering.  It's gotten worse with each kid we've added to the family, and is at a new low at this point.

We take each other for granted.  We bark orders at each other.  We treat each other like the other one is one of the kids, if we're in a kind mood, and like they are a dog, if we're not.  We're grouchy.  We snipe at one another constantly.  Misunderstanding and resentment abound.  This is not the example we want to be setting for our children.

One day I was channel surfing and happened to catch Dr. Phil giving some poor clod hell about how he was treating his wife.  Something he said has stuck in my mind.  He asked the guy "If some stranger was walking down the street and came over and started talking to your wife the way you have been talking to her, would you tolerate that?  No, you would not.  So what gives you the right to treat her that way yourself?"  I try to be mindful of this when dealing with BigDaddyFish (and the collorary of if I wouldn't want someone saying certain things to my kids, then I shouldn't, either), but when sleep and me time is in short supply and fuses are even shorter, we're bound to lose it again and again.

When we get to this point, we know it's time for us to reconnect, to get out and play miniature golf, go to the movies, go to the damn building museum, or whatever.  Something just for us.

This post has been brought to you by the folks at e-Harmony marriage and the Parentbloggers.  They're teaming up to give some lucky blogger a night on the town with their significant other.  Check them out here, you still have a few minutes to squeak out your own post for a shot at it, too.  Because we all need it.