Just Goes to Show What They Know

Back in January of 1993, BigDaddyFish and I, as well as his mother, sister, and grandmother, were sitting around his parents' kitchen table, and we, the group, were having a discussion about weddings.  I have no idea how we got on the topic, and after this much time I don't remember most of the details, but I do recall that we were talking about the ideal time of year to get married.  My MIL liked winter, as did my SIL (funny, since MIL got married in August, I think, but SIL later had a Christmasy wedding just before Christmas in 97).  I think BDF's grandmother liked spring, because of all the spring flowers, but BDF and I were both in agreement that October was the ideal month - good climate, low chance of rain, beautiful fall colors.  Now, we had discussed marriage before, but BDF had made it abundantly clear that he did not want to get married - he would be happy to live together forever, but he didn't feel like he needed the marriage ceremony to be commited to someone.  He knew that I felt otherwise, and very much wanted the church wedding.  I knew how he felt about that, and I guess I underestimated how he felt about me.

Anyway, the conversation continued, with the group of us talking about hypothetical wedding details.  I wanted to get married in my church, but BDF wanted to get married in the methodist church he was raised in, which is a beautiful, historic church built around the 1900's, I think.  I agreed that would be acceptable, because it really is a very beautiful church, and the church wedding part is what I wanted, not necessarily my church, but I wanted a priest to be present.  BDF agreed it would be okay.  At some point, I'm not sure which of us did it, but one of us walked over to the calendar and started talking dates - we agreed October 16 would be the ideal time to get married, right in the middle of the month.  I was still convinced that BDF was talking hypothetically, and he wouldn't really go through with anything.

I called his bluff.  Within a few days one of us had called the church and made an appointment to meet with the minister.  We were engaged.

One night a few days after all this happened, BDF confessed that he was mad at me, because I had robbed him of his proposal.  I asked him what he would have done to propose - he told me he would have mowed it into a hillside (he was a landscaper at the time).  Given my allergies to grass pollen and incredible fear of heights, it was probably better that it happened the way it did.  Within a few days, or maybe even the same night, the details are fuzzy now, he proposed to me on his knees in his room with a ring made out of green weedeater string, which I still have in my jewelry box.  Over time, this was replaced with a teeny diamond ring, which is also in my jewelry box, given my current girth and puffiness.  We were official, and getting married in October.

Once we met with the minister, we learned that he had another wedding scheduled the same day.  We didn't want to interfere with someone else's time, so we changed the date to the previous weekend - October 9, 1993.  We did all our prep work - met with the minister numerous times, met with the priest, got a caterer, a band, flowers - the works.  My wonderful aunt made my dress in Colorado while I was here in Maryland - we didn't even see each other until a few days before the wedding.  My aunt sent me pattern numbers of dresses she thought she could handle, I picked out one and bought all the materials, and then shipped them out there.  My MIL took my measurements, my aunt made the bodice out of the lining, and shipped it out here.  I tried it on, we made adjustments to the pins, and sent it back.  A couple of weeks before the wedding, a fully finished dress was shipped out, and it fit perfectly.

I had a few run ins with my MIL over the wedding.  Since it was a fall wedding, she wanted to decorate with an autumn theme, complete with bales of hay and pumpkins.  I don't know if it was because I don't have a mother to provide input, or because we were living in their house, but MIL drove me nuts - I kept telling her this was a wedding, not a hoedown, and I didn't want fall decorations - we had fall colors in our dresses and bouquets, and that was good for me.  She was still pretty pushy about it.  MIL went so far as to bring floral arrangements in pumpkins to the church, which I had already nixed - I threatened to kick them with my dainty little white shewn feet.  They stayed in the car.

It was a run of the mill church wedding for slightly more than 100 people.  We had our reception in the church hall attached to the sanctuary, and apparently other people didn't feel the same way we did about sharing the wedding date, because it turned out there were 3 weddings that day, and we had to stop our music for over an hour while one of them was taking place.  Other than that, it was much like any other wedding you may have been to, except:

• My father had to take 3 haldol to get through the day (he's bipolar)
• Everyone else cried, but me
• Our minister, who had never done this before, stuttered throughout the ceremony - we'd met with him well over 6 times, and he'd never done that before - we still don't know why
• It turned out I was allergic to something in BDF's tuxedo, so my nose began running as soon as I hit the altar, and everyone thought I was crying because of all the sniffling, when I was actually trying to stifle my laughter at the minister
• Our best man's father passed away the morning of the wedding (RIP, W.B.).  Our best man, Uncle Orca, wasn't going to tell us, but his mother called BDF and told him.  We told Uncle Orca that he could leave, that being with his mother was more important than our wedding, but he felt he needed to stay, and did.  We don't think you smiled the entire day, Uncle Orca, but we love you for staying with us, anyway.
• My father caught the garter, which embarrassed and skeeved me out.
• We walked out of the church, walked around it, changed our clothes, and walked right back in again to help clean up the church hall.  Then we drove away with no fanfare at all, to go right back to my in-laws house for a champagne toast before leaving on our honeymoon.

It was a beautiful day, bright and sunny and the perfect temperature, just like today is.  We were 23 years old, the youngest of all of our friends to get married.  The thing is, in so many ways BigDaddyFish and I are total opposites, not just in our overall feelings about marriage as a whole (he looks at it as purely a political institution, where for me it is spiritual).  He is quiet; I talk constantly.  He is grumpy and anti-social; I go nuts without adult companionship a lot of the time, and desire lots of friends.  He is a mathmatical, linear thinker; I am verbal and creative.  He's an introvert; I'm an extrovert.  He's adventurous, I'm a risk averse homebody.  I am a social moderate (more liberal as I became a parent), fiscal conservative; he's more of a libertarian.  We have very passionate, volatile personalities, and we bicker a lot.  "They" said we wouldn't last - most of our peers gave us a year.

It's 13 years and almost four kids later, and we are still going strong.  It has been hard work; we are both stubborn and opinionated.  But we love each other and our children fiercely, and have been able to weather the many storms that have come our way thus far.  We still bicker and fight a lot.  A lot of times we don't fight fair, and we frequently take each other for granted.  But above all, we love each other, and are committed to making it work for the long haul.  We've already outlasted a lot of "them."

I love you, BigDaddyFish.  Happy Anniversary.  Thanks for 13 wonderful years.  Here's to at least 50 or so more.

Comments

[Summer]

Congratulations!

Ours was October 6, so I have to say you are TOTALLY right that October is the best month for a wedding. I've read that in DC it's the most popular wedding month. June is often too hot and sticky around here....

Best wishes for many more happy years.