Why, yes. Yes, that was me who you saw pumping gas in my sweatpants and christmas nightshirt and mismatched sweater and slip on leather all-weather mocs with no socks and unbrushed (oh, wheeeeeere, is my hairbrush? Oh, wheeeeeere is my hairbrush? Seriously - it's lost) hair at 10:45 am. Thanks to an unfortunate weather situation where Little Man had to be at the preschool that is a half-hour drive away twenty minutes before Trout had to get on the bus here (thanks, snow delay), BigDaddyFish and Little Man were already gone when Trout left to go to the bus stop two blocks away and out of sight from our house. She usually walks with a fifth grader who lives a few houses away, but today her friend was sick, and instead of walking to the bus stop by herself she came home and asked if I could take her because she was "afraid of getting stolen." Her words. Of course, she came home with less than 5 minutes before she had to be at the bus stop. So! I threw Sunny's shoes on over bare feet, threw her coat over her pajamas, grabbed Nemo and a few blankets, threw on my shoes and a sweater and DROVE the stupid 2 blocks to the bus stop, just in time. Then I figured, since I was out already anyway and needed gas, I would go get breakfast for Sunny at McD's (she likes their pancakes - eats em straight without any butter or syrup), but we had to hustle, because they stop serving breakfast at 10:30. So we fly down the road, and I didn't think we'd make it because we got stopped by the crossing guard, but we just made it right at 10:29. Then off we went to the gas station. I don't know if I got any strange looks or not because I pumped the gas with my eyes shut. If I don't see you, you aren't there, so you can't see me, lalalalala.
When I woke up yesterday morning I looked out between the gaps in the miniblinds and saw that the sky looked kinda funny, milky sorta. I looked out and saw that it was snowing. In my blissful ignorance that I usually go about my life I had no idea it was expected. It was beautiful. The trees in the woods behind us were covered with tufts of this fluffy wet snow, looking for all the world like they were covered in cotton. Of course, this meant the kids wanted to go outside and play, and they hadn't been all suited up and outside more than five minutes before Little Man comes running to the door to tell me that Trout was shoveling the snow....On.Top.Of.My.Van. The sliding side door was open and she was standing on the roof pushing the snow off with the shovel. Of course I wasn't dressed to go out and lack boots anyway, so I just stood at the front door and shouted at her to get her keister off the van. My children have been blessed with selective hearing, so she ignored me and I went upstairs to get BigDaddyFish to go get her. Of course, he was in the shower, so there was a bit of a delay before he could go down, and by the time he got there Little Man was up there, too. My wonderful neighbor A, who probably thinks we're the most inept parents on the planet (he wouldn't be wrong) actually reached up and plucked Little Man off the car, but Trout was too far out of his reach to grab. He commented that I was "raising a couple of monkeys" but I think he meant it in a nice way, right? Eventually all kids were secured off the car and BDF built them a snow fort to keep them busy. Five minutes later they all came back in whining because they were cold. And wet.
Due to an unfortunate falling in incident, Sunny is refusing to sit on the "big" potty with her potty seat and instead is insisting on using the little potty chair, which is fine if she'd leave the thing in the bathroom. But she won't - she insists on it being in the family room so she can watch tv while she takes care of business, which is funny because she's all business - she just does her thing and is done. The problem is where she puts the chair - right in front of the picture window. Where she insists on taking her pants off completely while she goes. Yes, the entire neighborhood has been mooned (and worse) by Sunny. At least she doesn't have any body image issues.
All this is of course the icing on the cake of the daily shoutfest as I attempt in vain to get them to get in the car and buckled up in less than 20 minutes and stop fighting with each other and get out of the snow in your good shoes and stop pulling your sister's hair and put that catalog back in the house and clean up the trash you left in the back seat my car is not a garbage can and get off your brother and....
I think the next homeowner's association meeting is going to be about how to get rid of us. Good thing we need a new house anyway.
Oh my gosh...I can't stop laughing.
Thank God I'm not the only one. And I mean that. I have been known to run over small elderly people to get to the McD's drivethru before 10:30 in the morning.
My children are apes and I wear a ball cap because the damn dog keeps hiding my hair brush.
And the other day, I was getting looks in the local grocery store. I forgot to take off my slippers and did I mention they are bright lime green suede?
Yeah, and it's not like I live in the city either...small town, population 12 or so it seems...now every where I go, they look at my feet to see if I'm properly shod.
Welcome to my world.
Posted by: Redneck Mommy | March 02, 2007 at 09:49 PM