Quickie

Sex when you have four children under the age of 8 is almost non-existent for a variety of reasons.  First, when you're breastfeeding your libido is in the toilet, so it frequently just doesn't occur to you that sex might be something worth spending time on (on the other hand, your husband?  He'd be happy to remind you).  Second, you typically are just so worn out and touched out at the end of the day that all you can think about is spending quality time in bed....sleeping.  Snoring and drooling, if it's really really good.  Throw in the probability that one of the three mobile short two-footed creatures living in your house is going to need something/get their feelings hurt/smack someone/get mortally injured just when things get interesting, and you quickly learn that the most important characteristic of sex after four kids is necessarily speed.

Sunday morning I gave the kids gum chewing and bubble blowing lessons, thanks to some gum that Sunny got as part of one of her presents at her birthday party on Saturday (which was done at Michaels and I highly recommend it - cheap, easy, and fun).  The kids had never had gum before (I just KNOW it's going to end up in Trout's hair - doesn't matter who's chewing it) so they thought it was great fun, and it was new and exciting to them.  I then sent them off downstairs to watch a movie while BigDaddyFish and I had some Alone Time behind locked door (we recognize that it's only a matter of time before they figure out how to unlock the door so this option will be gone to us soon).  My apologies to those who know us in real life for the images that are about to be imprinted on your brains, but this was just too good not to share.

We have a mission style bed that has about a four inch ledge at the top of the headboard and footboard.  Bedside space is at a premium due to my proclivity for hoarding books and the shear volume of crap needed to care for small babies, so we have a variety of stuff kept on the headboard: a box of tissues, a box of baby wipes, a stack of diapers, the remote for the cd boom box, stuff like that.  It's a good solid bed, built by the Amish, so we've never worried about anything coming down off the headboard, because frankly we just don't have that many earthquakes in Maryland.  Sunday morning is a good time for us to have Alone Time because we are usually well rested, I'm not yet all touched out, and the kids are happy to occupy themselves tearing the house apart without bothering us too much, if we're quick, and we still have the rest of the day to put it back together.  Nemo will go back down for a nap after morning nursing, so we simply relocate the chair he typically falls asleep in to somewhere where we aren't. 

This Sunday after gum lessons BDF and I were having Alone Time, and it was Good.  It had finally stopped hurting (which is common after birth, even with a c-section), we were both in a good frame of mind and well rested, and apparently it was a bit more vigorous than usual, because just as things were getting to a climax, a three-quarters full water bottle came flying down off the headboard smacking me dead in the nose.  I gasped up at BDF, he looked down at me in shock, and then we cracked up, laughing hard enough that we cried.  I remember when I was young someone telling me something to the effect that it was important to keep your sense of humor about sex and I thought it was odd - what's funny about sex?  Now I know.  As we continued to chuckle while we cleaned up and got dressed BDF says "You know what?  This is blogworthy."

Indeed.

Comments

[Kara]

haha! Definilty blog worthy. :)

[Oh, The Joys]

OMG. So sorry that the much waited for event included the water bottle thunking.

[Jessica]

Sometimes we get the giggles so bad that M has to beg me to stop looking at him just so we can stop laughing and get on with the deed.
Sometimes those are the best "Alone Times", the ones where you really feel like you are reconnecting.

[carmen]

Hey, I don't know if I asked you before, but are you going to Blogher? Think of how insecure and standoffish we could be together!

[Summer]

Hee hee hee! We keep a box of tissues on the top of the headboard, too -- because we have ALLERGIES, not for anything non-nose related, we use t-shirts for that -- and we've both gotten surprise bonks from it at inopportune moments. I will remember this tale if I'm ever tempted to put something heavier than Kleenex up there!