Fugue

Last weekend I dreamt of my grandfather.

I went to my uncle's office to meet with him about something or other, and then I left, but for some reason had to go back. I went back to the office, but my uncle was gone and the lights were off. There was a cube wall in the office so that you had to walk around the wall to the actual desk space where my uncle sat, and from behind the cube wall there was a flickering light, as though someone had left a tv on in an otherwise dark room. I walk around the cube wall, and there, on a couch pushed up against the cube wall, facing a television, was my grandfather.

I rushed to him and embraced him, held him, hanging on, weeping and laughing all at the same time. He felt solid, not ethereal, warm and solid and alive.

"Hanging on for dear life, huh?" he said. I nodded, too overcome to speak. I sat back a little, but continued to hold his hand.

"What I can't figure out," he began in his slow measured way, "is how to turn off this blasted TV. I can't get it to work."

"That's probably because you're gone," I said.

"So I'm dead, huh?" he queried.

"Yup."

Then he disappeared, and Nemo poked me in the eye in the process of patting my head to let me know he wanted to nurse, and I woke up fully, bereft that it had been just a dream; it had seemed so real. So real. My arms ached that he hadn't actually been there, that I hadn't held him.

Late last week I met with my uncle to actually do some paperwork pertaining to my grandfather's estate, and I related the dream to him. As I spoke, his eyes kept getting bigger and bigger, and he exchanged knowing glances with my Aunt. After I finished speaking, he told me that there is, indeed, a cube wall in his office, and a couch with a tv across from it. He had had difficulty turning it off lately, as someone did something to it and what he had always done to turn it off hadn't worked.

I've never been to my uncle's office in my life. He works for the Federal government, for an agency that is rather secret in its endeavors, and they want to keep it that way.

But my grandfather's been there.

Comments

[Dawn]

That's so wonderful. Over the last 16 years I have had dreams of my grandpa where he felt that solid. The dreams have always been when I needed him most. Thank you for sharing.

[Angi]

WOW...that is unbelievable & amazing! I hope that even though your arms are aching, your heart knows he is right there with you ((hugs))

[amanda]

My goosebumps have goosebumps. I lost my grandfather in February. He came to me one night as I was putting my second daughter to bed, a child he only knew from the swell of my belly. I am so happy you had a moment with him, even though I know all too well how much feeling him gone again must hurt.