As I'm sure has been obvious, we have been experiencing a particularly large amount of stress lately here in the Fish Pond, and I am finally able to let you in on the secret as to the reason for some of it.
A little while ago, I blogged briefly about BigDaddyFish's existential crisis, and a decision that he was having some difficulty about. Last Friday was BigDaddyFish's last day at his old job. He now has a couple of weeks off, after which he will start a new job the first Monday in November.
Arriving at the decision to make the move was exceptionally difficult for BDF, and as a result he was more cranky than his usual grumpy curmudgeon. He had been dissatisfied at his old job for some time, largely due to being channeled into management when what he wanted to do was program. This new job will give him the opportunity to get a high-level security clearance, complete with the fun of a polygraph, and it will ultimately provide the chance for him to work with a friend of his with whom he worked for years before, and it was the best working relationship he's ever had. Thanks to the high-level clearance, it will provide job security for him for as long as he wants to work in that environment. The work itself looks interesting and meaningful, and he will get the chance to be a coder again, as opposed to doing management work, which he's been doing for the past couple of years.
But there are some catches. They work on an early schedule, and have I mentioned we are not morning people? I will now have to do both drop off and pick up for preschool for Sunny, instead of just pickup like I do now. It will take about 6 months to a year to get the clearance, at which time we will need to move closer to the job site, which will most likely be near the site for the agency responsible for the security of the nation (ahem). That means out of the county, so we won't be able to send Nemo to the same preschool that we have come to love, the same one that Trout and Little Man attended and Sunny now attends, the same one that has prepared the big kids immensely for our hard-driving, high-achieving public school system. That means moving away from our awesome pediatricians. It means moving away from the local schools, and moving our kids away from their friends. It means switching health insurance plans, because they don't offer a PPO option, and can I tell you how much I love having a PPO? Oh, yeah, and did I mention the five-figure pay cut?
Yeah. Five. Figures.
Ultimately, we decided that it would be worth it in the long run for BDF to take the job. Actually, he made the decision; I simply told him I would be supportive no matter what decision he made. Because having him not be grumpy and actually enjoying his job, and in turn being nicer to the family, is worth it. Because we are strong, smart, and resourceful people, and we can make it work, no matter what.
But damn, am I scared. Change is hard for me - damn hard. Each time we've added a child it has taken me longer to get in my groove. We've only ever lived here since we've had kids. This is the only home our babies have ever known. I know we need to move, but we were planning on moving locally, just to a bigger house, where our kids could keep their friends and their doctors and their schools.
He has been second guessing the decision, too. Things changed a bit after he gave his notice at work, for the better. In the course of doing the paperwork for the security clearance, he had to track down a colleague from three jobs and ten years ago, who instantly wanted BDF to work for him. His job is local. We don't know anything else about it, though.
There is still a possibility that BDF will end up assigned locally; there is an office run by that division of the Big Contractor that he will be working for in the same town as the preschool, and they do have some cleared work there. It's been difficult watching BDF go though this agonizing time, and it has been harder for me to be strong and supportive for him when I'm not exactly in a good place myself. I am trying to have faith that wherever we were meant to be we will end up.
But is it really too much to ask to get there without so much strife?
WOW! That is alot of stuff going on. I will pray that the rest of the decsion making/moving/changing goes very smooth for you and your family. I tend to enjoy change, so I am probably not the one to talk to for support in the afraid of change dept. Maybe you can chat with my hubby...the man freaks if I even rearrange furniture, LOL!
I wish you all the best :)
Posted by: Angi | October 23, 2007 at 02:29 PM