Brothers and Sisters

My kids fight. I know, shocker, right? It has been an interesting experience and study in psychology to watch my kids' relationships with one another develop.

Trout and Little Man are so close in age that Trout never remembered a time when he wasn't around. They fight from time to time, but mostly about how something or other is unfair; they are fiercely concerned about getting equal treatment, from me and BigDaddyFish, from their grandparents (and that is a whole 'nother post, since the grandparents don't treat them equally, to an egregious extent), from each other, from life. But they get along so well, most of the time, that Little Man, when questioned about his changing relationship with a girl in his class that he was going to "get married to" [totally their idea, I do think he should wait at least until middle school before considering that kind of commitment, but what do I know] who no longer likes him, he said "Too bad you can't get married to your sister."

"Which one?" I inquired. "Trout, sheesh, Mom." I can truly say that they are best friends, and that is awesome.

Nemo is too young, yet, to really have much of a relationship with any of his sibs, though he derives great delight at being a "big boy" on the few occasions when Little Man lets him into the forbidden land of his room, otherwise known as Legoland. The level of fighting really is only at the level of the bigger kids yelling because he has taken something that they didn't want him to have. Mostly, they just dote on him, and he revels in it.

The relationship between Sunny and Trout is more of a "little mother" kind of thing, because of the 5 year age difference between them. They share a room, and from time to time there are problems because Sunny gets into things that Trout wants kept sacred and won't listen when I tell her to pack away things that she doesn't want her sister getting into. There are fights about Trout's perception that Sunny gets away with a lot because she's little and cute (I simply remind Trout that she's little and cute and gets away with a lot, too, and ask her if she's aware of the influence that paid on her ability to sell hundreds of boxes of girl scout cookies). But mostly it's a bossy sort of thing, and easily remedied by reminding Trout that Sunny has a mother and doesn't need another and reminding Sunny to stay out of her sister's things.

Then there's Little Man and Sunny. Those two fight about EVERYTHING. They fight over toys. They fight over who gets to play with Trout. They fight over who gets to play with Nemo. They fight over what time bedtime is. They fight over something or other one of them wants to give they other and the other doesn't want. They fight over who needs to move out of who's way. They fight over...well, honestly, if you can think of anything in the life of a 3 or 6 year old, they fight over it.

Except.

For the better part of the last week, Little Man and Sunny have been getting along. Getting along so well, in fact, that he has been letting her sleep with him in his big-boy bed, since Sunny still only has a toddler bed and will until we move to a bigger house. They've slept snuggled up to each other, their heads slightly tilted toward each other, foreheads against each other, his arm slung over her body in a protective embrace. When awake, they have been playing, sharing toys. Last night we wouldn't let her sleep in his bed (he's been having a tougher time getting up for school so we're concerned with how well he's sleeping when she's there, though they haven't been staying up talking all night like we figured they'd do), so they sat on his bed with a huge book of Things that Go that he's "reading" to her, chapter by chapter, more like showing to her and narrating his own reports about each thing. That was enough to keep her from having a total meltdown about having to sleep in her own bed.

And that, my friends and readers who have one child and are expecting another and can't fathom how you can possibly love your new baby like you love your other child: that is what you get to witness. Not only will you love that new baby just like you love your older child, your love for the older one will grow, strengthen, deepen, as you watch that baby and your older child fall in love with each other. It's one of the greatest gifts ever.

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Been laying low a bit as I try to work through some heavy emotional and spiritual stuff right now. Please be patient and don't run away - I will be back stronger at the end, but it's hard when you're still in the trench.

Comments

[hokgardner]

You are so right about watching your kids be siblings. I have the best time watching my two girls together. They are each other's first best friend, and it is so sweet. I also love watching Campbell with them. He worships the ground they walk on, and they, for the most part, returns the affection. Seeing them all together makes me feel like just maybe I'm doing something right as a parent.

Take care of yourself.