The Fish Pond: With Apologies to Judith Viorst

I went to bed at 12am and the baby woke me up at one to nurse and BigDaddyFish still wasn't in bed because he was having an existential crisis and I had to talk him out of it and we didn't go to sleep until 2:30 and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I didn't get to sleep in like I wanted and the baby woke me up by poking me in the eye and when it stopped hurting and I could open it I discovered his eyelids were pink and puffy and swollen. The doctor couldn't get him in until 2:15 and my babysitter didn't come until 3 and I had to take all 4 kids with me.

I think I'll run away from home.

The girls came into our bed and were loud, loud, LOUD and it made my ears bleed. The baby sat on my head and jumped and it hurt. BigDaddyFish asked me why I didn't go down and get breakfast for everyone while he took a shower. I gave him "The Look." And not the good one, either.

As BDF was leaving the house I asked if there was any way he could leave a little early so that we could go out to dinner before Deadliest Catch and he looked at me blankly and I said "You know, for my birthday?" because obviously everyone forgot and I was certain I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

At breakfast Nemo dumped all of his cereal and milk in his lap and on the floor. Little Man asked for cinnamon toast so I made cinnamon toast and he shouted at me "You BURNED it in the middle! It's dark! This is NOT the WAY to MAKE CINNAMON TOAST! YOU RUINED IT! I AM NOT GOING TO EAT IT! I AM GOING TO THROW IT!" without even tasting it and the toast wasn't even burned. I had to get in his face and tell him he could not talk to me that way even IF the toast was burned which it wasn't and it was my birthday and everyone forgot and my feelings were hurt and I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Trout ate all the chocolate pudding. Little Man ate all his cinnamon toast and then ate all the marshmallows and made Sunny scream because she wanted marshmallows but he gave Nemo a marshmallow and he put it in his hair and got all sticky. I had to bake my own birthday cake. The next day.

At the doctor's office everyone climbed on everything and lifted up the venetian blinds and kicked each other and would NOT. STOP. TALKING. And of course we got the doctor who never talks above a whisper and I could barely hear her. She said Nemo doesn't have pinkeye, he's having an allergic reaction. I had to put Trout in the corner and Little Man on the exam table on the opposite side of the room and Sunny in the chair and Nemo had to stand up. She sent his prescription to Target via the internet. No one got a dinosaur but Nemo.

I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I dropped the kids off with the babysitter and I went to Target and they didn't have the prescription and they asked me to wait for 20 minutes while they checked the voice mail so I went and did my shopping and came back. They still didn't have the prescription so I called the doctor's office and they put me on hold for 15 minutes while they looked for the prescription and they talked to the pharmacist and then hung up and didn't even apologize to me. The pharmacist asked if I could wait for 20 minutes. I said in 20 minutes I was running away from home.

After the 30 minute trip to Target that took 2 hours I went to my bedroom to listen to my iPod and fold laundry and my iPod was dead. The kids were yelling and I didn't want to go downstairs to plug it in so I folded laundry in pseudo-silence while Trout listened to Daughtry too loud and Sunny and Little Man fought and the baby woke up and cried and the babysitter tried to contain it all.

I took a shower at 5:30. I cut myself shaving my legs. My hair wouldn't cooperate and I had nothing to wear. I said I'm having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day but no one was there to hear me.

At dinner there was iceberg lettuce in my salad. I hate iceberg lettuce. There was Sportscenter on the big screen and I hate Sportscenter. There wasn't enough alcohol in my margarita and I couldn't finish my chili and didn't get dessert.

The kids were still awake when we got home and they were supposed to be asleep and they got up eleventy million times and Nemo wouldn't nurse to sleep. There was no "After the Catch" after Deadliest Catch and the season is over. There was a thunderstorm and a noise on the deck that sounded like the bear. I told BDF that I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. He said some days are like that.

Even on your birthday.

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Comments

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I'm so sorry. My birthday was the 21st, and my husband worked all night. I barely even saw him. I think really some days are like that, especially on your birthday.

I did a post like this once too. That was one of my favorite childhood books.

Posted by: ktjrdn | July 23, 2008 at 01:08 PM

Oh, and of course, happy birthday anyway

Posted by: ktjrdn | July 23, 2008 at 01:09 PM

I am so, so sorry about your day. It beat my bad birthday by a mile, even if I did spend several hours combing lice out of my hair and the girls' hair. I hope today is a better one, and I think you should declare a do-over. I did that several years ago.

Posted by: hokgardner | July 23, 2008 at 01:36 PM

Oh honey, Happy Birthday for all of us in our house! I've had those birthdays many times. At least you know the cake turned out ok. And you can eat as much as you want, it's your cake anyway. I vote to keep it all, and everyone else can suffer!! :)

Posted by: Shannon | July 23, 2008 at 06:27 PM